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Read how the book came into being below
When your partner goes through menopause, the relationship you've built over years can feel unrecognizable. Based on groundbreaking research with nine men, this book breaks the silence around what male partners actually experience—the confusion, isolation, and loss of connection nobody talks about. Here's the story of how academic research became a practical guide for men navigating one of midlife's most challenging transitions.
The background to the book.
Men Share What Nobody Talks About
Not the hot flushes. Not the night sweats. The silence. The distance. The slow erosion of connection you don't know how to talk about.
You're walking on eggshells in your own home. Arguments spiral from nowhere. The woman you know seems to have disappeared behind a wall of irritability, exhaustion, or cold detachment. You want to help—but nothing you try seems to work.
You're not losing your mind. You're navigating uncharted territory without a map.
This book is for you—the man holding it together while everything shifts beneath your feet. The husband, partner, father trying to make sense of what's happening at home while keeping everything else from falling apart.
The idea for Men On Menopause didn't begin as a book. It started with a simple question that nobody in the research community seemed to be asking:
What actually happens for men when their partners go through menopause?
I came to this question from two places: as a researcher pursuing my MSc in Psychology, and as a man who'd lived through it myself. When I started digging into the literature, I found plenty written about women's physical symptoms, hormone replacement therapy, and relationship strain from the female perspective, but almost nothing that captured men's voices.
The silence was deafening.
So I set out to fill it.
Before I wrote Men On Menopause, I spent two decades in high-pressure leadership roles—first in the British Army, then commanding operational teams in the UK Fire and Rescue Service. I learned to stay calm under pressure, make decisions with incomplete information, and lead people through situations where emotions run high and stakes are real.
But none of that prepared me for navigating my partner's menopause.
That personal experience—combined with my professional background in crisis leadership and my academic training in psychology—gave me a unique lens for this research. I wasn't coming in cold. I was an insider who could ask the questions that mattered and recognise the patterns that emerged.
Through confidential, semi-structured interviews conducted for the University of Wolverhampton, nine men sat down and told the truth about what it's really like when your partner goes through menopause.
They came from all walks of life: a retired police officer, a teacher, a university lecturer, a technician, a social services manager, and others from ordinary relationships and everyday roles. Some were still navigating the transition. Others had come through the other side—for better or worse.
"It's really weird, when I think about it, that it was never something... Yeah, the elephant in the room," one man told me.
Another described how intimacy became "a very controlled situation. A lot of control around intimacy, sex." The physical connection they'd shared for years had shifted into something guarded, scheduled, or absent altogether.
One participant spoke about feeling completely isolated: "I think there was kind of rejection of me on different levels at that point... I remember then being isolated from the females... my daughter plus my wife in one camp and myself in another camp."
These weren't outliers. Every man spoke about similar patterns: distance, confusion, guilt, and a profound sense of isolation they didn't know how to articulate.
The patterns were striking:
Men wanted to help but didn't know how, and often made things worse by trying to "fix" problems that needed listening, not solutions
Communication broke down around the very topics that mattered most: emotions, intimacy, and change
Negative cycles (what I came to call "Circles of Doom") trapped couples in escalating conflicts neither partner wanted
Midlife pressures compounded everything: career stress, ageing parents, financial concerns, their own health changes
Men felt silenced by social expectations, lack of resources, and the assumption that menopause is "a women's issue"
But here's what also emerged: the men who navigated this well had developed frameworks (often unconsciously) for staying grounded, choosing their responses, and maintaining connection even when everything felt chaotic.
That realisation became the foundation of this book.
This research, conducted through the University of Wolverhampton's Psychology department, became one of the few UK studies to ask men directly about their experiences of their partner's menopause: not as secondary characters in someone else's story, but as people navigating their own transition.
The findings became part of my MSc dissertation. But I knew the research couldn't just sit in an academic file gathering dust. It needed to reach the people it was written about.
So Men On Menopause: Her Change, Your Story evolved from research into a practical companion—written for men who don't usually pick up self-help books.
1. Real Voices
Every concept in the book grew from what the men actually said. No borrowed theory. No generic advice copy-pasted from relationship blogs. Just honest patterns from real experiences.
2. Real Psychology
The frameworks are rooted in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Positive Psychology, and Stoic philosophy: evidence-based approaches that have been field-tested under pressure. But no therapy-speak. No academic waffle. Just clear, actionable guidance.
3. Real Life
Each chapter takes 10–15 minutes to read. You can tackle them on your commute, lunch break, or that 2am moment when you're googling "is this normal?" Read them in order or jump straight to what you need right now.
The book explores what men experience—emotionally, relationally, and psychologically—when the woman they love goes through menopause. It addresses the issues men raised most often, with practical tools you can use immediately.
Emotions – Processing anger, guilt, and confusion without shutting down or lashing out
Communication – Learning to talk when every conversation feels like navigating a minefield
Intimacy – Understanding physical and emotional distance and finding your way back
Resilience – Staying grounded when midlife pressures collide and everything feels unstable
Support – How to help without trying to fix (and why your instinct to solve often backfires)
Your internal compass when everything feels out of control. Learn to pause between reaction and response, choosing the man you want to be instead of defaulting to autopilot or old patterns that don't serve you.
It's not about suppressing emotions or "being the bigger person." It's about recognising the moment when you have agency and using it.
Why arguments spiral into emotional tailspins, and the specific neurological and relational mechanics that drive the escalation. More importantly: the practical techniques to break the pattern before it breaks you both.
You'll learn to recognise the warning signs (raised voices, "you always/you never" language, bringing up old grievances) and deploy the reset strategies that actually work.
A visual map of how biological, psychological, and social pressures collide during menopause, and why understanding this changes everything about how you respond.
When you see the full picture of what both of you are carrying, blame transforms into understanding. And understanding creates space for something better.
Why men struggle to ask for help, why the support they offer often backfires, and what actually works instead. This framework alone has saved relationships that were heading toward the rocks.
Women navigating menopause have access to comprehensive medical advice, support groups, online communities, and countless resources. As they should.
But in my research, every single man said the same thing: he couldn't find anything that truly resonated or helped him support himself or his partner through the transition.
That silence leaves too many men feeling:
Isolated and confused
Guilty for their frustration or resentment
Emotionally disconnected just when understanding matters most
Blamed for not knowing things they were never taught
Men On Menopause breaks that silence.
It listens first, then offers frameworks and insights that speak the language men understand: direct, practical, and rooted in lived experience. No fluff. No psychobabble. Just tools that work when you need them most.
This isn't about blame or biology. It's about empathy, communication, and shared resilience. It's about remembering that both partners are going through a transition, not just one. And transitions, when navigated well, can strengthen relationships rather than fracture them.
Navigating your partner's menopause and struggling to understand the changes
Feeling shut out, confused, or like you're constantly walking on eggshells
Wanting to stay connected but not knowing how to bridge the distance
Dealing with your own midlife challenges while supporting her through hers
Who want to rebuild communication and emotional closeness
Struggling with intimacy and physical connection
Caught in negative patterns and looking for practical ways out
Committed to facing this transition as a team
Who want to understand what their partners are feeling but rarely say
Looking for ways to help him help you
Wanting to share a resource that speaks his language
Increasingly used by therapists, coaches, relationship counsellors, and wellbeing practitioners who support men's mental health and midlife relationships. The research-backed frameworks translate directly into clinical and coaching contexts.
Daren Windsor (MSc Psychology) served in the British Army and the UK Fire and Rescue Service before dedicating his work to men's mental health and midlife relationships.
His original research into men's experiences of their partner's menopause (conducted through the University of Wolverhampton) inspired this book, blending lived experience with evidence-based psychology to help men navigate life's transitions with calm, clarity, and courage.
Daren also founded Men on Masculinity, a platform dedicated to helping men develop emotional intelligence, resilience, and relational strength through practical frameworks and honest conversation, without the therapy-speak or corporate wellness jargon.
His approach draws on:
Two decades of crisis leadership in military and emergency services
Academic training in psychology (MSc, University of Wolverhampton)
Personal experience navigating partnership through major life transitions
Research-backed frameworks from ACT, Positive Psychology, and Stoic philosophy
Men On Menopause isn't another medical guide explaining oestrogen levels and HRT options. It's a conversation that's long overdue.
A space for men to:
Recognise themselves in other men's stories
Find language for emotions they've struggled to name
Discover practical frameworks that work under real-life pressure
Understand they're not alone, not failing, and not powerless
If you're a man facing midlife change or a couple trying to find your way back to each other, this book offers clarity, empathy, and practical guidance you can actually use.
Not theory. Not sympathy. Just tools that work.
No. The book is for any committed relationship where one partner is going through menopause—married, cohabiting, or long-term partnerships. The frameworks apply regardless of legal status.
The book is structured to build understanding progressively, but each chapter stands alone. If you're in crisis around communication or intimacy, jump straight to those chapters. You can always circle back.
This book isn't about fixing her or analysing her experience. It's about understanding your own—your emotions, your responses, your challenges. Many women have reported feeling relieved that their partners finally "get it" after reading this book.
The book is grounded in original academic research (MSc dissertation, University of Wolverhampton) combined with evidence-based psychological frameworks (ACT, Positive Psychology, Stoic philosophy). Every concept emerged from real interview data and established therapeutic models.
Most relationship books aren't written specifically for men navigating menopause. This one is. The voice, frameworks, and examples all come from men's lived experiences. No generic advice. No one-size-fits-all communication scripts. Just practical tools field-tested under real pressure.
Available now on Amazon in paperback and Kindle formats.